Dating · Life · Lifestyle · Relationships

Does distance makes the heart grow fonder?

Happy Monday loves! It still doesn’t feel like Monday since I’m not counting down the minutes until the beautiful hot mess that is The Bachelor.  I’m as guilty, if not more than C when it comes to my part in submitting my posts. The saying “life is non stop” is an understatement.  In the last 2 months, exactly 60 days from today my world did a complete 180 and from there it hasn’t stopped. I promise that by next week there will be a post on it and it will be the most #ADULTING post you’ve ever read; just be patient!

I did want to touch on a topic that has come up recently while talking with people: long distance.  Mr. Forever and I live together so we are not living long distance, but most weeks that is exactly what we do.  See, Mr. Forever is in sales which requires him to travel a solid 3 weeks out of the month, Monday through Friday and on an unlucky week all the way through Saturday. Depending on the season it could even be all 4 weeks.  This means that on a good month we would see each other 13 days out of the month.

Now, coming from a military background I know that I’m still lucky with the 13 days (see what I did there).  There are families who go months without seeing their loved ones.  But I want to put our relationship into perspective as a couple not out of the norm.  Some of the main questions I get include but are not limited to the following:

How do you guys make it work? Is it hard? Are you excited that he gets to be home for the week? The sex is probably amazing when he gets home (sorry mom). Are there trust issues? What do you do when he isn’t home?

Let’s just combine those first two questions and then throw in the one about trust for a nice loaded paragraph.  How do we make it work? Um, he gets on a plane and I don’t? I mean it’s his job and that is what he is required to do.  Is it hard? ::insert eye roll emoji:: of course it is! I have to go days without seeing my fiance.  Okay, I’m done being a smart ass now.  The in depth answer is still just as simple.  We have to remain positive and realistic about the situation, devote time to be open for communication and make sure there is constant support on both sides.  There are days when I feel myself being selfish and wishing he was home more when I get overwhelmed with things at home, but I have to constantly remind myself that this is his job, he loves it and he is providing for our family and the future members to come.  Just as I need reminding, he does too.  When I’m frustrated he needs to understand that I am home alone and keeping things in line here and it adds up on one person.

As far as trust issues, you need to leave that shit at the door.  Plain and simple. The relationship won’t work no matter how many days you see each other if you do not trust the other person; it’s the foundation for any relationship to have a chance.  We aren’t in high school anymore.  The jealousy isn’t cute and it doesn’t prove your love for one another. Having a lack of trust is where the breakdown happens.

Moving on; let’s combine the rest: “are you excited when he stays home for a week”, “is the sex good” and “what do I do when he’s gone”.  These are very complicated questions and here’s why: I am my own person. I have my own life.  I chose to combine it with another person to make “our” life but that doesn’t erase “my” life.  I work, I coach, I run errands, I go out with friends, I work out, I have appointments and I sleep in the middle of the bed with our dog at my feet and our cat next to my head. We have a system when he isn’t home and I get into a groove.  I’d be lying if I said that when he gets home it didn’t throws off my system.  I mean I have to move over to the left side of the bed and all 4 of us have to squeeze into a queen!  No really, I have to adjust my schedule to fit “our” schedule when he is home and make sure that we have time as a couple to spend together.  In a sense we live two separate lives when he is gone. He is on the other side of the country working on the road and in meetings for 10 hours a day; did I mention there is usually a 1-3 hour time difference?  So scheduling a time to talk/FaceTime gets super tricky and some nights, maybe even most nights, it’s a few quick texts back and forth that say I love you because it’s too late or we can’t find a coordinating time.

Now your dirty little middle school minds have finally made it to the good stuff.  I can’t tell you how many of friends (half) joke and say, “I bet the sex is great when he gets home after all that time”.  ::insert another eye roll emoji:: C and I started this blog to really let you in on our lives and give it to you straight so here it is: it never fails that the week he gets to be home in the office is the week Mother Nature bust down the door like a SWAT team on a meth lab.  Mr. Forever is home this week and guess what? Yup, you guessed it! I’m a normal human being and so is he so yes, sex is an important aspect of our relationship and the lack of it that we have is one of the hardest things that go into his travel.  I’m going to toot our horns and say that the sex is always good no matter if he’s been gone 5 days or he’s home 5 days, we just connect that way.  But I’m also not going to lie and tell you that there aren’t times when we’ve been so busy on Sunday but he’s boarding a plane at 6am Monday morning and we are tired as hell so we make ourselves have sex.  Yes, it happens but that is life and I am not ashamed.  Couples that tell you they have sex every day lie, couples that say they never force or fake it, lie. We all do and it is what it is; it doesn’t mean you are any less of a couple…unless you make it a habit every time.


So, does distance make the heart grow fonder? All in all, yes. But the question isn’t black and white.  There is a lot of complicated grey mixed in.  I cherish and appreciate the time we have together and we strive to make the most of it when we have the chance.  I miss him tremendously when he is gone and count down the days until he gets home.  That being said, I’m not sitting in bed, depressed and waiting.  I am my own person and I make it work. We both do.  With lots of patience, hard work, faith and love.  Until next time ya’ll!

xoxo – J

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