Hello my fellow 20 somethings! I hope your week is starting out as bright as the sun is shining through my window right now. Can we just take a moment to talk about Monday’s episode of the Bachelor? Who else is still trying to process the $3k date Corinne took Nick on? Anyone else thinking she might be full of hot air when she says she is okay with being the bread winner??
Anyway, while scrolling through twitter between the bachelor memes and news updates, I couldn’t help but notice other saddening tweets from young girls to women in their thirties. They were tweets about how being single is awful, about how they are praying for a man to come and tweets stating all they want is to get married. This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this trend. I sit down with some of my single girlfriends and it’s all they talk about too. They tell me I’m so lucky to have found someone I want to marry and that I’m so lucky to not have to date anymore because being single is “so hard and awful”.
Quite frankly, I’m insulted when I hear that. It’s almost as if they are telling me that my relationship is a “way out”; like they are taking away from what Mr. Forever and I really have because they don’t understand. It’s also insulting to friends like C, who if you have been reading her posts, you’d see she is trying to navigate life and all it’s struggles, single.
While we may not be perfect, we are now living in a world where women are surpassing men in roles such as CEO, politics, medicine. The number of stay at home dads is rising each day, which means the number of women bread winners is rising. We are making progress as women in the workplace, yet there are still a number of women and young girls whose goal seems to be fixated on not spending the rest of their lives alone.
I know what you are thinking, “It’s easy for you to say because you found someone and are happy. You don’t know what it’s like.” And blah, blah, blah. Well let’s be break it down: where do you think I was 3 years ago before Mr. Forever? SINGLE. So yes, I do know what it’s like; navigating boy after boy, dead end after dead end.
What I really want to ask you guys and the girls who are practically begging the good Lord to deliver you a man on a platter wrapped up pretty with a bow is: do you really want to get married or do you just like the idea of it? C and I started this blog to open up about the life struggles that normal twenty somethings go through and to let you know that you’re not alone; that involves being honest in our posts. So here is it: the honest behind-the-scenes footage of what marriage is really about. Contrary to popular romantic comedies and filtered Instagram posts, it’s not like going back to when you were 5 years old playing house.
Those filtered posts are just that: filtered. You see a tiny glimpse of a 30 second event where a couple is kissing for the camera. What happened 3 minutes prior? What happened after dinner the night before? What is going to happen next week? You don’t know. Mr. Forever and I take great Instagram pictures; our engagement pictures? SPOT ON (also thanks to our amazing photographer, C Elkins Photography).
That being said we don’t chose to show you the times we argue which sometimes include screaming and cursing and harsh words that we may or may not mean at the time. It doesn’t show you the 5 days out of the week that I don’t see him except on an occasional 9pm FaceTime because he travels. The rom-com tells the story of two people who date, something dramatic happens and they break up and the guy realizes that he’s a douche and wins her back and then the upbeat happy music plays and they live happily ever after. That’s not real life; sometimes the two people don’t find their way back. Sometimes it’s sleeping in two different rooms for an entire weekend without saying a word to each other before things get resolved.
These are intense, but real situations that Mr. Forever and I go through and that every couple, married or not goes through. It’s not all intense, sometimes it’s as simple as a wet towel being left on the bed or dirty socks being left on the floor; day after day after day. If you’re a perfectionist like me, that is enough to get your blood boiling. I mean wouldn’t you be annoyed if you had to pick up towels and socks every day? Again, I know what you’re thinking, “Well why do you do it then?” It’s simple: I love him. It goes back to my last post and what Ma tells me when things aren’t unicorns and rainbows: it’s supposed to be work, it’s not supposed to be hard. I can take the dirty socks, wet towels, leftover toothpaste in sink and the fights because that’s what comes with the territory. You commit to everything about that person when you commit to marriage.
Mr. Forever and I are battling against all odds to make our marriage successful. The divorce rate is through the roof. I watched my parents go through a disaster of a marriage and an even bigger disaster of a divorce. Marriage isn’t sacred anymore because of women giving everything to find a man and to not spend their thirties alone. Yet when they rush into something because it’s better than the latter, all they have to do is sign a few papers and get out of it when things get tough or it’s not the fairy tale they see on IG or in the movies.
I’m asking woman to woman: please stop putting marriage at the forefront of what defines your life as a female. It’s great to want love and to want a family. By no means am I saying not to want that. I’m saying take a moment to find who you are first; by yourself as a strong, single woman.
I think we as women need to remember what the rising statistics are telling the world: we are power human beings. Those rising numbers are telling us that we don’t need a man to make our lives complete. We need a man who is going to support and share the moments and accomplishments we’ve been fighting for. I urge you to slow down, take a deep breath and appreciate the moment you’re in now because the glitz and glam of wedding planning doesn’t last forever; reality eventually sets in and you better be ready for the highest of highs and lowest of lows.