Before I get started, I want to preface this post by giving a huge shout out to my bestie C for keeping the posts and insta pics flowing. As you can see this is my first one in a hot minute. I have been dealing with some personal stuff that will eventually make for a bomb ass blog post, just not yet. So C, here’s to you (champs raised), thanks for having my back.
In my last post I introduced you to Mr. Forever and asked you how you know when you’ve found the one? What makes this person different from all the others? Is this person where the dating game ends?
Ma has always said to me that anything in life, work, relationships, etc, should be work, but it shouldn’t be hard. Nothing in life comes easy or is handed to you on a silver platter free of charge; you have to put in true effort to make things work. Throughout our relationship, each progression that takes place has flowed very naturally. It wasn’t forced or uncomfortable to make, it just happened. Date? Yes. Move in together? Yes. Buy a house? Yes. Get married? YES. Was there work in between each step? Of course! You are blending two completely different lives together; it’s not always going to be a smooth ride!
Before Mr. Forever, I NEVER thought about marriage. I’m not just saying that; I mean I wanted to adopt a child as a single mother when the time was right. I was not the little girl who sat around and played wedding. So when the opportunities to take our relationship to the next level came up and I was so comfortable with saying yes, that was a sign that this time was different. When scary decisions (it’s normal to be scared, these are big decisions!) flow naturally and despite the frantic butterflies in your stomach, you are comfortable saying yes, you are on the right track.
We have all heard the advice that you know it when you’ve found “the one” when you are a better person because of them, they make you happy, who treats you like a princess, someone you have a lot in common with, etc. And these are all great qualities and Mr. Forever hits every bullet point. But going through life’s beautiful and terrifying journey, I’ve learned that it goes way deeper than that, and that there is one defining bullet that you need to find.
I want you to think about a friend you’ve known for a long time. Most likely they are your best friend, right? How did they become your best friend? Well, over the years of your friendship you’ve supported each other in good and bad times, had each others back and stood up for one another and shared your deepest secrets. You’ve gained a level of trust with that person. Well your life partner is your best friend, only now you just want to have sex with them (sorry Padre). If you can build a solid friendship on top of attractiveness and intimacy, you’ve hit the jack pot.
Now Mr. Forever and I cheated the system. We have known each other for 17 years and have been best friends for about 6 of them. The switch came on our first date where I saw him as potentially more than a friend. I mean any guy that can go on a date with a girl and her mother and grandmother AND dance with them is a keeper in my book. Due to our history we were able to skip the whole “awkward getting to know you” phase. I knew his family, I knew the skeletons in his closet, I knew his favorite color and vice versa. But even still, the foundation of a friendship is what makes our relationship last; when it comes down to the hard stuff, and believe me there is a ton of it, if you trust the other person to make those big decisions, you can get through anything.
When it comes down to it, major life decisions such as moving in with someone, getting married, spending the rest of your life with that person, having a family, buying a home and other permanent choices should scare the living shit out of you. Especially as a 20 something! You’re so young! Don’t let the decisions themselves scare you away; it’s all about the person. If despite the scariness of the decisions, you are comfortable and at ease about saying “yes” with that person, then you are in good hands. If there is doubt or that person doesn’t make those decisions less scary, it might be a good idea to really sit down and evaluate why.