Dating · Single life

The Dating Chronicles: Part 1


I promised that I was going to document my dating life and the time has finally come. Enough of the intros. Let’s get down to business.

I want to preface this by saying I am not documenting my dates to bash anyone. This is simply a space for me to share what is going on in my #singlelife and express my lessons learned.

Let’s rewind back to December. Instead of getting gifts for each other, one of my gal pals decided that we should do dinner and drinks. I flipping loved this idea. Y’all. It really is the way to go. Anyways, we set a date and met at this awesome restaurant, split a bottle of red wine, chowed down on some great grub and gossiped our little hearts out. Once the wine buzz sank in, she had the idea to set me up with this guy she worked with. Well, since the Pinot Noir was doing all the talking for me, I happily obliged. Weeks pass and I had honestly forgotten about B’s setup when my phone buzzes with a text from her saying “I gave Hands your number!”

SIDENOTE: this nickname will make sense a little further down.

Next thing I know, Hands is texting me and wants to setup a dinner date… in a week. This was kinda weird, no? It just felt a little strange that someone had to schedule me a week out?

A couple days go by and Hands sends me a couple texts. Totally fine. It was your typical texts of “how was your day?” “Still on for dinner on Thursday?” that whole scene. Wednesday night rolls around and I am in my normal routine of getting off work, working out, and cooking dinner. Well, my cooking was interrupted when I get a phone call from Hands. Does this happen to anyone else? Like do y’all call people you do not know/you’re supposed to go on a date with but you’ve never talked to them before? This has happened to me more often than not so maybe I’m the weird one. Please advise.

Anyways, he proceeds to talk to me for roughly 30 minutes about his work. *RED FLAG* Look, I have nothing against someone being that passionate about their job but it was just a little weird that you are disclosing this much information to me when you have never met me.

SIDENOTE: this tends to happen to me often. I ask people one question and literally learn their life story. It’s truly a blessing and curse

Let’s get to the date. Thursday night rolls around and I rush home from a looooong, stressful day at work to freshen up. And by freshen up I mean change my outfit and chug wine. I get a text from Hands saying he is at the restaurant and there is a wait. GREEATT. Awkward convo with no alcohol in my hand. I arrive to find him outside. How did I know what he looked like? Facebook stalked him. DUH. He stands up to give me a hug and I cannot believe I am eye level with Hands. Granted I had on wedge booties but I AM FIVE FEET TALL. I AM A TINY HUMAN. I SHOULD ONLY BE EYE LEVEL WITH CHILDREN 12YEARS AND YOUNGER.

We sit outside and I learn even more about his work. I try to explain my job that is simple yet very complex if I start to go in-depth so I have learned to elevator pitch the shit out of my job. Honestly, after a long day at work, the last thing I want to talk about is… work. Whatevs. I get it. It’s normal first date chatter.

Finally our buzzer goes off and we get seated. I have never ordered a margarita faster in my life. No first date should ever be a dry one! We continue to talk and have the standard first date conversation but this conversation was different for me. Let me say this. Again. I am a tiny human with tiny hands so when I also notice that another adult is a tiny human with tiny hands it’s super weird for me. Hands was big on hand gestures. Do you understand the nickname now? This is normally something I can totally get down with because I also use hand gestures but I was so distracted by how small his hands were! The whole time I wanted to do that hand comparison where you stick your hand palm to palm. I had to keep telling myself “MAKE EYE CONTACT DAMMIT!!” Does this make me a bad person? Who am I to judge when I also have tiny hands? Should this be a match made in tiny hand heaven?

Somehow through a weird track of conversation, volleyball gets brought up and I explain how I have played for 20 years (damn I am old), played in grass and sand leagues, grew up around it, we still play it as a family… the whole spill. He sits there and says “yeah I am not good at volleyball.” ABORT. ABORT. ABORT. Please refer to my list in my previous post to understand why this is bad. This topic led him to ask “so you must really be into sports?” and the answer to that is… yes. When your father is a coach, your big bro is a coach, your lil bro works in athletics, all three of you were athletes, your SIL is a badass volleyball player, your nephew can dunk* on a Fisher Price goal… yeeeaahhh ball is lyfe in my house. Insert the disconnect between me and blind date. I don’t think he does the sports thing which for some is fine, for me, it is a deal breaker.

*dunk as in he drops it into the goal but like, COME ON, that’s athletic for a one year old. #biased

He continues to discuss what he is passionate about and what he does as hobbies which are all really great things. They are just not things that I enjoy nor do I want to. After we finish dinner, he suggests getting a drink at the bar next to us (oye) and THANK GOD BASKETBALL WAS ON THE TV. I start talking stats and rankings and realize that he is totally lost in my bball lingo and that I should probably chug my beer so we can leave.

We awkwardly hug, part ways and I head home where I proceeded to drink a lot of wine/snapchat a recap to my bestie who lives in DC. HAY GURL.

Ok… let’s reflect here. Why was this date so bad?

  1. Single person + single person does not necessarily = a match
  2. Too much pre-date conversation
  3. We had ZERO in common
  4. In this case, size does matter. Height, that is… and hands

The good news is that he realized #3 and we have not spoken since the date. It’s always nice when they have some level of self awareness to realize that this was not a match made in tiny hands heaven. Onto the next dating adventure…

xoxo – C


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